16.03.2005, 13:18
Once a girl is quite fantasised about "69".She has a
regular boyfriend they have never done it before.
One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for
romantic dinner.
After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do
"69".
But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about what is 69. Girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do 69. she asks him to lay down...and she then lays on top of him
in reverse direction so as in 69. The boyfriend is confused but is eager to know about 69. so he does as
the GF tells him to do.
they lay down in this position for about 2 min. she is
thinking that He will, by the time, get excited by this. but suddenly the GF has to let go one Fart...directly on her BF's face.
GF quickly apologises and asks him to stay in that position for some more time.
after 1 min she has to let go one another fart....this time bigger than the previous.
The BF quickly throws her away, gets up, starts dressing up and yells at her..
"If you think I am gonna take 67 more like this, you are MAD"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a guy in a bar one night who got really drunk, really,
really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he
stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk So he
stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Shocked, the
nun felt her knees go beneath her but before she could do or say
anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled
over to her and kicked her in the bum, then he picked her up and threw
her into a wall.By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move
very much.Then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to
hers and said................"NOT VERY STRONG TONIGHT, ARE YOU
BATMAN?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2.
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
3.
Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
4.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
5.
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
6.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
7.
Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
8.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
9.
Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
10.
Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a
highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She
offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him
another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight
times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the
peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible
because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.
Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady
answers, 'We just love the chocolate around them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that
morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and
say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably would have a present for me.
As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any
happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children
will The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when
I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent..
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning,
Boss. Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had
remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and
said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your
birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
"Let's go!" We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;
instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and
enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said,
"You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the
office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my
apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you
don't mind, think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something
more c o mfortable" She went into the bedroom and, in about six
minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by
my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy
Birthday. And I just sat there ---- on the couch ---- naked!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MICHAEL JACKSON SPECIAL:
Q: What does Micheal jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
A: Both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks
Q: What does MJ and WalMart have in common?
A: Both have little boys clothes half off
Q: Whats the difference between Acne and Michael Jackson,
A: Acne deosnt cum on your face until your a teenager.
Q: How do you know when its bed time in jacko's house?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand
Q: What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?
A: Both put old gray meat between small buns.
I got a new car stereo the other day and it has voice activation software installed into it!
If you yell out Rock, it switches the settings to "ROCK"!
If you yell out Classic, it switches the settings to "CLASSIC"!
On my way home last night some kids ran out in front of my car.
Hitting the brakes I yelled "Fu++ing Kids" and the radio started playing Michael Jackson.
regular boyfriend they have never done it before.
One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for
romantic dinner.
After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do
"69".
But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about what is 69. Girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do 69. she asks him to lay down...and she then lays on top of him
in reverse direction so as in 69. The boyfriend is confused but is eager to know about 69. so he does as
the GF tells him to do.
they lay down in this position for about 2 min. she is
thinking that He will, by the time, get excited by this. but suddenly the GF has to let go one Fart...directly on her BF's face.
GF quickly apologises and asks him to stay in that position for some more time.
after 1 min she has to let go one another fart....this time bigger than the previous.
The BF quickly throws her away, gets up, starts dressing up and yells at her..
"If you think I am gonna take 67 more like this, you are MAD"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a guy in a bar one night who got really drunk, really,
really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he
stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk So he
stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Shocked, the
nun felt her knees go beneath her but before she could do or say
anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled
over to her and kicked her in the bum, then he picked her up and threw
her into a wall.By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move
very much.Then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to
hers and said................"NOT VERY STRONG TONIGHT, ARE YOU
BATMAN?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2.
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
3.
Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
4.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
5.
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
6.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
7.
Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
8.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
9.
Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
10.
Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a
highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She
offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him
another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight
times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the
peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible
because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.
Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady
answers, 'We just love the chocolate around them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that
morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and
say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably would have a present for me.
As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any
happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children
will The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when
I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent..
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning,
Boss. Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had
remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and
said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your
birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
"Let's go!" We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;
instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and
enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said,
"You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the
office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my
apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you
don't mind, think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something
more c o mfortable" She went into the bedroom and, in about six
minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by
my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy
Birthday. And I just sat there ---- on the couch ---- naked!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MICHAEL JACKSON SPECIAL:
Q: What does Micheal jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
A: Both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks
Q: What does MJ and WalMart have in common?
A: Both have little boys clothes half off
Q: Whats the difference between Acne and Michael Jackson,
A: Acne deosnt cum on your face until your a teenager.
Q: How do you know when its bed time in jacko's house?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand
Q: What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?
A: Both put old gray meat between small buns.
I got a new car stereo the other day and it has voice activation software installed into it!
If you yell out Rock, it switches the settings to "ROCK"!
If you yell out Classic, it switches the settings to "CLASSIC"!
On my way home last night some kids ran out in front of my car.
Hitting the brakes I yelled "Fu++ing Kids" and the radio started playing Michael Jackson.
aber auf jeden fall dann doch mal bei allen 