Board Of Metal

die BlackMetal rules kennt ja wohl jeder schon in- und auswendig, inklusive mir.
Aber das kannte ich noch nicht Smile

Zitat:1. When asked who your musical influences are, say Black Sabbath -- always Black Sabbath.
2. Make sure you don't sound like Black Sabbath at all even though you said that they're your musical influences.
3. Make fun of popular music especially Britney Spears and any boyband. This is non-negotiable.
4. When conducting interviews always say the words "@#%", "fag", and "@#%".
5. Accept interviews only from the following music magazines: Metal Edge, Revolver, Alternative Press, Hit Parader, Guitar World, Kerrang! and Rolling Stone.
6. Pay them 50 to mention the word "metal" in correlation with your music, in every single interview.
7. Add another 50 if they are able to invent a new genre dedicated solely to your band -- ie. Death Metal Disco (Static X), Melodic-core (Thursday), Christian Rap Metal (POD).
8. Make sure that at least one of your band members have an existing side project, or at least planning to start one.
9. Ask your mom to go to the nearest "Ross" beauty shop to buy six boxes of Lander hair gel.
10. Use the word "gay" when referring to anything you don't like.
11. No guitar solos.
12. Your drumming techniques must consist of "bass-snare, bass-snare" drumming only.
13. In order for your bassist to win a "Best Bass Player Award", make sure that they...
14. ...are female or...
15. ...use the "slap and pop" playing style.
16. Jump in the air while playing your guitar, and while in mid-air place the guitar on your side.
17. During concerts, ask your audience to sing along...
18. ...jump up and down...
19. ...put their hands in the air...
20. ...flash their middle-fingers...
21. ...and be careful not to hurt each other.
22. In the liner notes of your album, dedicate it to your parents, and to more than 15 different nu-metal bands with at least 4 bands which you borrowed your sound from.
23. Your second album must be weaker than the first one.
24. Make sure that at least one band member...
25. ...has been previously arrested...
26. ...drinks beer...
27. ...or smokes marijuana.
28. During interviews deny any form of drug-use in your band.
29. Say you hate Limp Bizkit, then contradict your statement by sticking up for bands like Taproot, Drowning Pool, and Primer 55.
30. When describing bands which you think are good, end every statement with "kicks ass".
31. When describing bands you hate, end every statement with either "sucks dick", or "@#% sucks ass".
32. Pretend that you've been abused as a child and when no one believes you, hold...
32. ...your depressing song lyrics as evidence, and if that doesn't work...
33. ...donate 3% of your earnings to anti-child abuse foundations.
34. Your record label must be either one of the following (and there subsidiaries): Sony, Interscope, Warner, Geffen, Virgin, Roadrunner, and Island/Def Jam.
35. Wear baseball caps, shades, wallet-chains, or any other fancy-schmancy fashion accessory EVERYTIME.
36. Your pants must be 3 times larger than your original waist length.
37. Say "shaznit".
38. Say "tight as @#%" whenever possible.
39. Pretend that you hate MTV, and say that you detest the playing of your videos without your consent -- but deep down inside you really like the way they promote your music.
40. When meeting up with Kurt Loder and Carson Daly, be sure to meet up with Fred Durst to ask for pointers.
41. Always give credit to Korn and say they brought back "metal" from the dead.
42. Make sure you have at least one female member.
43. Be at every single "Ozzfest" tour.
44. Your t-shirts must be plain black with your logo in front and a teen-angst quote in the back.
45. Pretend that you design your own website.
46. Get Ross Robinson, GGGarth, or Brendan O' Brien to produce your record.
47. Always make sure that you delay your album release. If it's scheduled for June 5, move it to July 7. Do this at least twice per album.
48. Ask guest rappers or any member from another nu-metal band to participate on your album.
49. Always whine.
50. Close your eyes when singing to show how "depressed" you are -- ie. Staind
51. Body piercings are a must.
52. Make sure that you have at least one band member that's bald...
53. ...or have a goatee.
54. Pretend that you hate the world.
55. During live shows, make sure that you dive to the crowd and ask them to return you back.
56. Your pants must be low-waist, and must show your boxers underneath when you lift your shirt.
57. Your drummer must be topless during live concerts.
58. Bite the microphone when singing.
59. Swing the microphone stand while headbanging in unison.
60. Always suck up to the crowd during a live performance -- ie. "its a good day to be here in Los-@#%-Angeles!"
61. Insert the word "@#%" in the middle of two words -- ie. "I like coco-@#%-nut"
62. Zildijan must be your official cymbals.
63. Your guitars must be Ibanez or Fender. Accept no substitutes.
64. Always use seven-string guitars.
65. The more stomp boxes and pedals you have, the bigger the chances of you winning a "Best Guitar Player" award. So get to it!
66. Wear facepaints or masks, and when someone labels you a Slipknot rip-off say that you existed as early as 1977.
67. When someone asks how your next album is going to turn out, say that its going to be the "heavy-@#%-iest album of all @#% time".
68. Read #67 but add more of the word "@#%" as much as possible for emphasis.
69. Make sure that when it comes out, it doesn't sound as heavy as you said it would be.
70. Your song lyrics must have the word "@#%" on at least 3 songs. This rule only applies to pretentious "tough-as-nails" bands.
71. Pick fights with random bands to show how "bad-ass" you are.
72. If you intend to copy someone else's sound -- don't use any form of profanity whatsoever when writing song lyrics, so the attention of the critiques will be focused on the lyrical content instead of your music. For more information, ask Linkin Park because they are considered as the "masters" of this art.
73. When kids start calling your band "sell-outs", reply that if they were on your position they'd do the same thing as well.
74. When kids start calling you a copycat, say that the band you're being compared to is one of your musical influences or....
75. ...its just a coincidence.
76. Make fun of gay people at all times. This is a perfect way to hide the fact that you're a closet gay.
77. When your parents tells you to go to your room -- go to your room.
78. You must have a studio album out every year. If you can't pull a studio album in just a year, an album with demos and remixes of old songs will do.
79. Make sure that you get into a scuffle with security on every single concert you partake in to cause a "scene".
80. Wash your sneakers only 4 times a year.
81. Wear clothes from a particular clothing company -- and soon they will ask you to endorse their wardrobe. Perfect choices are Adidas and Puma.
82. Release a video that contains nothing but backstage footage of your band making asses out of themselves.
83. During live shows say that you're about to perform a song they already know. Utter the first word of the song title then ask the fans to complete the name of the song by pointing the mic towards them. Keep on doing it until they scream the title crystal clear, or if you've wasted 5 minutes just getting them to complete the task.
84. Your fanbase must comprise of 90% morons that have usernames on the internet patterned after your band (ie. Mudvayne fans - DeathBloomsDig99) and the last 10% with smart guys that use original names.
85. Your band name must be a mispelling of an original word.
86. When parents start blaming your band for having songs that incite violence, turn the blame back on them by saying "you never spent time enough with your kids".
87. When someone points out the similarities of your music with another band which rose to popularity just recently, pretend that you've never heard of them before.
88. Cancel at least 5 of the tour dates you intend to play in the near future.
89. Claim that the posturings of anger and depression in your songs are genuine.
90. Insist that your band is "metal" at all times.
91. Best Buy and Hot Topic must be your core album distributors.
92. Say that you're going to commit suicide whenever no one pays attention to you.
93. Your idea of being unique is donning black and white facepaint and acting like a depressed troll in your bedroom.
94. Pretend that you like Kittie's music but in reality you just want to score on at least one member.
95. Say that rule #94 is a lie! Then stomp your foot on the ground repeatedly while screaming "that's not true! that's not true!" over and over again.
96. Your first radio single must have clean vocals or at least melodic riffing.
97. Waste your time writing a song dedicated to taking potshots at the critiques and the people that make fun of your otherwise STUPID music.
98. If you are a new band, cover an old 80s song and make it as catchy as you can. Ship this song as your first radio single -- instant success!
99. Participate in as many compilation albums as you can.
100. Strictly no guitar solos.
101. You are offended personally by every single rule written above.

alternativ gehn auch die hier:

Zitat:1. Be underage.

2. Hide your fat arse in some baggier-than-thou jeans.

3. Don't hide the spare tire around your waist by wearing a small top.

4. Go to Keroscene.

5. Hate your parents.

6. Eye liner, for gawdsake put on some black eye liner.

7. Keep a diary.

8. Fill in 'Slipknotism' on your next census form and get it
established as a religion.

9. Go away in the huff at any given opportunity.

10. Don't listen to anything with a guitar solo.

11. Be down with the sickness (and I don't mean take a few days off
school because you've got a cold).

12. Pester your doctor for repeat prescriptions of Prozac.

13. Only ever go to your psychiatrist's appointment if your mum drives
you there and makes you go in.

14. Slag off your psychiatrist.

15. Find a bully to pick on you.

16. Time for Keroscene again.

17. Quote Marilyn Manson at least fives times a day.

18. Be misunderstood.

19. Find any excuse you can NOT to go to PE class.

20. Tell yourself you're beautiful.

21. Write 'God is dead' on your jotters.

22. Convince yourself you are actually making a difference by trying
to be vegetarian.

23. Buy pink, fluffy handcuffs

24. Dig out your 1.50 and get your ass down to Keroscene again.

25. Bounce.

26. Defy yourself to find a Nu-metal band you don't like - you can't
do it.

27. Sports wear. It's your second skin.

28. Buy assorted leather accessories, ignoring the fact they came from
the same cow you didn't want to eat.

29. Thou shalt not conform.

30. Don't read newspapers - they're full of that 'reality' stuff.

31. Go to the Mission.

32. Worship Iqy.

33. Dance with your hands together below you waist bobbing up and down
(Wait actually this might be the same as number 25).

34. On the internet, get a handle like ANGEl_666 or wORShiP_SATaN.

35. Hate 80s metal.

36. Hang out at Bristo Square and generally get in the way.

37. Stick "I hate my parents."etc, badges/pathes on your school bag
and/or jeans.

38. Slit your wrists at least once a week.

39. Proclaim "Any band you haven't heard of must be shit".

40. Never play air guitar.

41. Pretend that you are high when smoking leaves that skaters sold you at
Bristo Square.

42. Refer to you friends as "homie's".

43. Love Kurt Cobain *cough..overated* and defend him with your life.

44. Subscribe to Kerrang!

45. Listen to Steps and S Club 7, when you are alone and are not acting
cool in front of your friends.

46. Go to D.K.Y.

47. Grow a goatee beard.

48. Buy a New York Yankies cap a.k.a. Fred Drust cap.

49. Hang out outside Ground Control.

50. Wear stupidly sized jeans that encompass your shoes

51. Get an eyebrow piercing to make your statement of
individuality

53. Cut holes in your jeans as soon as you get them, to show how hardcore
you are

54. If female, wear friendship bracelets to your elbows

55. Listen to Linkin Park to and from the Mission and defend them at ALL
costs

56. Get your arty friends to make a Slipknot mask for you

72. Rage, uh, like against the machine, man, whatever the machine is.

73. Say Slayer and Pantera are actually ripping off Static X's riffs.

74. Pretend your life is a Slipknot song, whereas it's actually a Blink 182 lyric.

75. Argue over who does the best Cartman impression.

76. Skate shoes - how do you expect to be clumsy without skate shoes?

77. Cry whenever you hear an Incubus song.

78. Slash you wrists - at Keroscene.

79. Think the Old Skool is where you go when you're 12.

80. Dismiss industrial music having heard the latest Nine Inch Nails.

81. your pain is way more valid than anyone elses

82. remind folk of 81 at any opportunity

83. NIN must be crap cos the singer doesnt wear a red cap

84. NIN are DANCE music anyway aren't they?, therefore crap.

85. wear a Tshirt out of Topshop that says "I (heart) my attitude problem" then say you are taking the piss

86. have never heard of Aphex Twin

87. or the jesus and mary chain

88. my wallet chain's bigger than yours

89. always try to "outbaggy" or "outscruff" your friends

90. pretend you have no friends but actually love being popular.

91. slag punks at least once an hour.

92. Another week, another Keroscene.

93. Act like someone has just rubbed human shit in your face when your mom says she quite likes that Stained song.

94. Learn about serial killers so you can be really, really, scary.

95. Favourite film - Dazed and Confused (even though you've never seen it)

96. Try to be sarcastic, but be unaware of the irony that you're actually speaking the truth.

97. Complain about being victimised.

98. Moan about being stereotyped by 101 lists.

99. Claim you like everything from The Smiths to Burzum.

100. Take a pen-knife to school and let your friend(s) know you have it in an attempt to convince them that you're thinking about killing your English teacher because you used copied Papa Roach lyrics word for word for a poem and your teacher said it was some of the worst poetry she has ever read. She told you it was trite and pathetic, though not in so many words, and you took this as a personal insult. The point she was getting at was that you were trying to define yourself in cliches, which means you don't have a separate identity. You missed this point and wrote a letter to Papa Roach telling them all that happened. They didn't reply and what you don't know is that they were actually pissing themselves with laughter at reading your letter because you are taking them seriously whilst they are cashing in or your insecurities, robbing you blind because you can only see yourself and no-one else.

101. Attempted suicide - you couldn't even get that right.