Zitat:<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Our top story: </span>
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>WORLD'S GREAT ARTISTS COLLABORATE
ON NEW NIRVANA ALBUM COVER</span>
"Quite simply, the best album cover ever," world raves



LOS ANGELES – Storm Thorgerson. Hugh Syme. Derek Riggs. Roger Dean. Four men who are individually responsible for some of the most well-loved album covers in the rock and roll era. Each is a living legend, a major artist, and a commanding presence in his field. Never in the wildest dreams of any rock fan would such talents actually work together.

Until now, that is.

"This is the most incredible piece of art ever coupled with a recording," gushes Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic, in tears at the sight of Nirvana, the self-titled greatest-hits album released by the band this month. "We wanted nothing but the best for this collection, but this… this! I couldn’t even dream something this beautiful. No one could."

His former bandmate, drummer Dave Grohl, hugged onetime nemesis (and widow of Kurt Cobain) Courtney Love closely while he struggled to speak. "It’s – it’s – I don’t want to profane it with words. Courtney, Kris and I fought for years over Nirvana’s legacy, but in the presence of this… this!! [gesturing at the cover] Who can fight? Who can harbor ill will toward another human?"

"It is so true, so true!" wailed a weeping Saddam Hussein, clasping American President George W. Bush in a fervent embrace in the Rose Garden of the White House. "Such a vision is a gift from Allah most merciful. It shows me so much of my own soul reflected, and the souls of countless millions. I see the error of my ways, I see forgiveness, and I see – I see friendship, as well."

"Shit-fire, you done said a mouthful, pardner!" Bush replied, firing a six-shooter in the air, as the two men swapped friendship rings before preparing a picnic lunch.

"It’s hard to even look at it for too long, I know," smiles photographer Annie Leibovitz, who had to take photos of the finished artwork for Geffen Records after all four principal artists wound up in insane asylums. "Can you blame them?" she giggles, stealing sidelong glances at the artwork. "I kind of envy them. Imagine seeing what they see – the world they’ve discovered on the other side of this transcendental piece of art. Is it the face of God? I hope I find out soon."

Indeed, around the world, conflicts are ending, prosperity is blooming in even the poorest countries, and a rapturous new era appears to be dawning. "Clearly, those responsible for this art cared a great deal – for the music it represents, for the fans, and for humanity itself," proclaimed United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan, shortly before disbanding the 57-year-old world peacekeeping body. "The effort they put forth has reaped rewards beyond any of our imaginings. I want to thank them, from the bottom of a jubilant heart, for the extra mile they went!"

DGC Records art director Robert Fisher, calling in from his office in LA, seems skeptical of the world’s adulation. "Are all seven billion of you just fucking with me?" he asked, via conference call.

"NOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!!!" the entire world responded, eyes wide and mugging shamelessly. "It’s the best album cover EVER, REALLY, we MEAN it!!!!!" All activity on Earth then came to a halt as the entire population of the planet put its hands over its mouths, attempting to stifle giggles.